In the times of internet dating, there might come the moment when she wants to meet you. But what if you don't?
Here's your guide to mess up your first date
The arrival 1. Be late
Depending on how much you want to mess up the date, don't inform her about your late arrival.
Use silly excuses like "The dog ate the bus ticket" or "my phone fell into the toilet" 2. Funny dress
You don't have to wear a clown costume, just make sure that the dress is not fitting, like a cowboy hat outside Texas or a Hawaii shirt outside Hawaii, or a tuxedo in a pizzeria. 3. Wet hands
Before shaking hands, make sure your hands are wet. The handshake should either be very weak or much too strong, also. 4. Bad smell
No, you don't have to have bad breath (but you can add it). It should be enough to use much after shave and/or perfume. If you have, apply women's perfume too. Expert tip:
If you plan not to meet her in the first place, you should use a fake profile picture. This has two advantages: 1. You can wear a disguise on the date and still she will not find you ever again. 2. It will add to the bad first impression.
If you applied all the above properly, the date should be over already.
But if it was not enough or if you want to skip the first bad impression, use these to lose her interest.
The conversation 1.a) Cheesy hookup lines
I am sure you can make up some. If not, look here: https://www.pickup...heesy.html 1.b) No humour
If bad humour is not your thing, go the opposite way. Never say anything funny, never laugh hat her jokes. 2.a) Silence
As they say, Silence is golden. Normally this does not apply to dates, but if you want to loose her... 2.b) Interuption
Alternatively, you can cut in whenever she says something.
It is also possible to combine 2.a + 2.b. Experts hint: Finish all her sentences. 3. Smartphone
We all know it, we all love it. So just don't stop using it, sending messages or play games. 4. Boring conversation
Make sure to ask questions you don't know what to answer yourself. Classics: "So tell me, what do you do?" or "Tell my something" 5. Too much alcohol
If legally possible, drink too much. Order a bottle of wine and refill her glass too, without asking, of course. 6. Previous relationships
Did you have a rough break-up lately? Many relations? No girl friend yet? Only one night stands?
It does not matter what you tell her but go into detail.
Of course there are more ways to leave a remarkable impression
The restaurant 1. Regular guest
Show her that you are a regular in the location and explain her the menu. Order for her too. 2. Strange menu
When ordering, make sure to ask for a special menu like vegan or gluten-free. Tell her about all of your allergies. 3. Discuss her menu
If she chose the location or you ignored point 1, make sure to discuss her menu.
In these times, most food is politically incorrect, so pick one ingredient and point it out.
For more gore, tell her about a recent incident on the local butchery.
Or if she ordered the same as you, say something like "Do you plan to eat all that?" 4. Critical guest
Start an argument with the waiter about the bad food, the prices, or whatever you can think off.
Insist in your position and become loud to make her feel uncomfortable. 5.a) Split the bill
Demand a separate bill and be extra complicated about the split, remember the bottle of wine.
You can also extend your argument with the waiter by refusing to have ordered certain positions on the bill. 5.b) No money
Never forget to mention that you don't have any money on you, either as a joke to her or the waiter. 5.c) She pays
Ask for the bill but when the waiter brings it, lean back and look at her.
Of course can start slowly and skip certain points, to see how it goes in the first place.
So what if the date is over and you still could not get her annoyed?
The good-bye 1. phone number
In case you have not exchanged numbers, do as follows.
If she asks for your number, ask for hers instead. I am sure you find an good excuse why you cannot hand out your number like being a secret agents.
Never forget to promise her to call her "next week". 2. The ride home
What exactly are you doing in the same ride as her? Call her a taxi and leave her waiting.
But if you are, follow the conversation instructions above.
When sitting next to each other, show her the features of your smart phone, or explain the games to her. 3. The kiss
After leaving such a bad impression, I doubt she wants to kiss you. So be extra eager about kissing her. 4. All over (again)
You followed the instructions but she still wants to meet you again?
Don't worry, on the next date, just follow this guide again and where possible, chose the alternate action.
Brilliant in my eyes for 3 reasons.
1. The is such thing as a beer mile running event in Texas
2. Armstrong only lasted 1 lap!
3. This paragraph from the article 'We have to assume that the Beer Mile World Championships aren’t USADA-associated, meaning Armstrong’s participation in future events will not be hampered by his ban from cycling'
There is a rather similar thing in Germany and probably elsewhere as well.
I once took part in a 5km "beer walk", where a team of 2 people gets a full box of beer with 24x0,33l.
Then you start drinking and carry the box with you from start to finish and the first team, who has finished the 5km AND all 24 bottles wins.
It was great to see all the different tactics. Some teams decided to have some beers first to have an easier box to carry.
Others did both pretty parallel while having a relaxed walk.
And then some pretty much started to run with the full box to sit on the finish line by far as first to empty one beer after the other there.
As it was our first and actually still only time, we were one of those having a walk and drinking a beer from time to time, so that when reaching the finish, the box was almost empty.
Was a fun experience and it`s often played on Father`s Day, when all men go on the streets in Germany drinking a lot and celebrate.
